Inner game

by El Diablo

You, as a man, are not in charge.

Think that sucks? Well, how about this: women aren't either. No, nature is in charge. We — all of us — are nature's bitches. Nature is constantly evolving, experimenting with, and testing its subjects. It builds up species and systems with no planned outcome; it's chaotic but simple. Things evolve, merge and mutate just for the sake of it. Complex species die out sooner, while simpler ones live much longer. At a molecular level, life just wants to be.

Humans, of course, are incredibly complex. But the atoms that comprise you are the same atoms that used to be slime molds, rocks, sunlight, other animals, and everything else. After you die, they will disassemble and become those things again, in addition to a lot more.

None of your atoms are alive themselves; it's only when they join and work together that they create a living being: you. Life truly is all one, and you are only borrowing your body's elements. Enjoy the ride and appreciate the opportunity.

Evolution works to make species stronger and more efficient. But it also keeps things interesting. Evolution will eventually wipe out humans, leaving the Earth to continue its story without us. And we are just a small part of the planet's narrative. If the history of Earth were compressed into one day, humans would show up at 11:58 pm, just before midnight. We flatter ourselves, but we are not needed.

But, in the interest of passing on our genetic material, DNA, our species has evolved a stunning array of nuances and instincts to select partners and indicate that we ourselves are worthy of mating. And the state of being worthy of mating is, of course, as gratifying and fulfilling as it gets for us.

Evolution, as a concept, applies to things on both small and large scales. It works on species as a whole, just as it works on a relationship between two people, or on the course of your day, or on a particular civilization. Everything "evolves" in its own way. The concept of things changing and of creation by collaboration is at the very heart of humanity, because we take all our cues from nature.

Everything we do is related in some way to producing the next generation of humans. Women and men still are guided by strong impulses that may seem somewhat (but not entirely) outdated in the modern world. And although civilization evolves faster than the species, they evolve together. We are still beholden to our nature. Fight it and you're fighting alone.

Women wear dresses because they emphasize healthy hips that can successfully withstand childbirth; that's why dresses are shaped that way. By the same token, men's suits have broad shoulders because it emphasizes a muscular torso, which women need because they don't have the same strength. These are minor examples, but they serve to illustrate that everything in society is the way it is for a reason.

And here's the key point for inner game: if something about pickup, or about the behavior of women, or about social dynamics annoys you, the problem is YOU.

It's all made to be gratifying and fun. You are not above following nature's orders. If you're trying hard, but still not getting laid (or not getting laid enough), it's because you aren't expressing the real you somehow — the you that had thousands of healthy ancestors who survived to maturity and reproduced. There's no conspiracy among women, and it's not arbitrary. It's a simple formula: you're deviating from women's instincts too much with the person you are pretending to be. No big deal, just rediscover your inner self and become that person again.

Women don't reject the guy, they just respond negatively to his stimuli. Why? Well, nature is efficient and its actions always have several purposes; in this case, 1) women have evolved to trust their own instincts about who is a suitable mate, based on their feelings (which aren't that mysterious or random; they're based on his body language, eye contact, social proof, speech, etc.), and 2) the guy is encouraged to drop the bullshit and get back in touch with his inner strength.

So you can't blame women; they are programmed that way. You'd reject the guy too; it's nothing personal. And the guy can't get discouraged. This is where so many guys lose it. They get offended, angry, bitter, confused, and give up, and it's all because they are too proud or lazy to accept that something is a little off in their understanding of why things happen and they need an adjustment. Nature has given them a fantastic opportunity to improve themelves and become truly happy, but they don't see it.

Modern society has given us all an incredible opportunity. Everything we need is close; basic human needs are easily met; and sexy women are everywhere. We have lots of time to play, and you couldn't ask for a better planet (or more interesting opposite sex!) for that. We are all truly lucky, and indebted to nature for giving this to us.

If the thought of not being in charge offends you, get over it. Your only power is over yourself; don't worry about others so much, and whether there's a hierarchy and where your place in it might be. The quest for power over others comes from insecurity and fear. If you get angry or frustrated, the problem is YOU. Accept responsibility for the situations in your life.

Inner game and state-of-mind issues were big problems for me when I started out. I improved them by learning about the world, and about myself, and accepting reality for what it is. Understanding the biological history of humans and other species, and the physical demands of living on Earth that influence mate selection, make me feel I had a kind of unflappable intuition and sense of humor about male/female interactions. Voltaire might disagree, but this is the best of all possible worlds.

Also absolutely vital are the time and experience a guy needs. You can't reverse the nonsense that society has drilled into your head overnight. (Which, by the way, is a shit test from nature, one that many guys fail their whole lives.) It takes time to come around, and it takes failure to reach success. The road is up and down, but it's a fun ride and you come out the other side much happier and better off.

Just about every guy in the PU community says at one time or another: "My only regret is that I didn't start this sooner." Learning and applying PU is not exactly easy — simple, yes, but not easy — but the journey itself is exhilarating.

Your comfort zone is unhealthy and boring. That's what comfort is. Step out of that zone. Push yourself. Evolve!

Good luck!
El Diablo
www.actioninaction.com

(Feel free to redistribute this essay, as long as the author's name, website name, and this notice are included intact.)

Credit where credit is due

I can't begin to touch on all the good stuff there is to learn, so I'll just link to where I got it from. These are not all typical PU sources, but they helped me personally. (Links go to other sites with more information.)

Clutter's Last Stand - It's Time To De-Junk Your Life by Don Aslett

It sounds weird, but unquestionably, the most important influence on my personality and sense of priorities is this book for housewives written by a janitor.

Collecting and accumulating useless stuff is the single biggest distraction in many people's lives. Worrying about a house full of junk you don't need and never use, or trying to make decisions with a head full of unfocused, conflicting, nonsensical thoughts, can be the most important thing to overcome.

In this great book, Don Aslett is merciless in his mantra: if you don't need it, get rid of it. Sell it, give it away, throw it away. You won't miss it. Never keep something "for sentimental value". Don't "organize" your junk; it's obsessive and neurotic. And you usually end up buying storage bins or something like that, thus adding to the clutter. Your clutter owns you; don't kid yourself that it's the other way around.

I read this book and found it applied to everything, mental and physical belongings. I spent a summer getting rid of much of the junk I'd amassed, stuff sitting in my parents' attic, etc. Some of it seemed really important to me; it went in stages. I've never regretted getting rid of any of it. I couldn't even tell you now what it was. Old yearbooks, abandoned projects, decaying junk from my childhood; my memories of these events are intact and I didn't need the physical objects anymore. Gone.

And it was profoundly liberating. I know a lot of guys who still have limiting beliefs and what seem to me to be odd neuroses and beliefs about PU and about life in general. Where do these thoughts come from? Jettison them. Only allow valuable things into your life and your mind; don't hold on to things that are crowding your life and keeping you from going where you need to go.

This book lays out the philosophy, and gives you some great pointers (like if you haven't used something in one year, no matter WHAT it is, sell it or throw it away). It can give you a total about-face in your life. If you feel any resistance to the idea of getting rid of junk, you really need to read this book!

A Short History of Everything by Bill Bryson

Written by a non-scientist for other non-scientists, this book describes just about every field of science in a fascinating, highly entertaining (non-textbook-y) way. This is the best way to understand humanity's place in the grand scheme of things, and all the amazing things that happen you weren't even aware of.

I have read this book many, many times, and the sense of appreciation it gives me for the physical world has been huge. Bryson himself obviously feels the same way, and his infectious enthusiasm has become part of my own psyche; the two are inseparable.

A lot of the things in the above essay were taken from this book.

The Naked Ape (book) & The Human Sexes (video) by Desmond Morris

Much of what women and men do, wear, and say is tied into convincing the opposite sex that we are "attractive"; i.e., suitable for mating. Clothing styles accentuate important parts of the anatomy. Much of body language is directly lifted from the act of sex. Voice tones remind us of our natural gender roles.

Desmond Morris is probably the number one influence on my interactions with women. He is a zoologist who studies humans from a zoologist's perspective. Human behavior makes sense when seen through the lens of practical science. The great thing about Morris is that he doesn't pretend to be a dispassionate observer — he is, for example, fascinated by the female body like the rest of us. He's just curious why. His balance of dogmatic science and acknowledgment of the magic of it all make his work very resonant.

He had some great TV specials, with amazing video from all over the world of different cultures and practices, but they're out of print (look around for "The Human Sexes" and "The Human Animal".) It's fascinating to see how some things are surprisingly the same in all cultures — and some things are surprisingly different.

Personal Power II by Anthony Robbins

Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo

DeAngelo has a lot of products, and all the ones I've seen are excellent and genuinely helpful. I think his most helpful resource is the lesser-known "Interviews with Dating Gurus" series.

But his original e-book, "Double Your Dating", is required reading because it explains the difference between who women say they want, and who they actually sleep with (and why there is a difference in the first place).

Just about everyone in the community today passed through this guy's teachings at one point or another. And despite all the infighting and arguing about which "method" is better, I've never seen anyone respected in the community (including Mystery, Style, Tyler Durden, etc, who have all appeared on his DVDs) say anything but good things about "Double Your Dating" and its simple concepts (like cocky and funny).

The Game by Neil Strauss

The Game is entertaining more than instructive, but it puts a human face on the PU community gurus and shows the power of experience and experimentation with women.

(By purchasing things through the links on this page, you contribute a few pennies to AiA.)